I Have Loved You
by stirringofmysoul
Summary: The course of true love never did run smooth. Can Cath and Levi's happily ever after last forever?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Are you almost ready?" Levi called from the foot of the staircase.

"Just a minute," Cath replied as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

Cath was the least high maintenance person ever and Levi knew it, but he was nice enough to pretend that she was in the bathroom fixing her hair or applying mascara and not call attention to what she was actually doing.

Stalling.

Sunday dinners at Levi's house were stressful affairs. Even though Cath had been around his relatives more than her own in the past eight years their big family gatherings still make her stomach twist up in knots.

It was just so much. Lots of people. Lots of food. Lots of noise.

Cath did her best to blend into the background. To almost become one in the same with the furniture, but someone (usually Levi's youngest sister, Sarah…the other ones, Abigail, Hannah, and Leah were too busy wrangling their own children to worry about her) always tried to draw her out. Sometimes she was successful and Cath was able to act like a normal human being for the length of a conversation, but most of the time she just nodded and smiled and tried to escape to the bathroom.

"Sweetheart," Levi said, suddenly materializing. "We're going to be late." He planted a kiss on the top of her head.

Cath looked at her husband's reflection in the mirror. Husband. A year after the wedding and the word still tasted foreign on her tongue.

After nearly three years of living together in Arnold and countless proposals (Cath was _really _good at stalling) they were finally married on Levi's family ranch last fall. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with him (Cath wanted to be with Levi forever). But getting legally wed meant you were a grown up.

Never mind the fact that she had a full time job (book editor for an independent publisher in Chicago…she telecommuted…it was perfect…she got to do what she loved and didn't have to deal with actual co-workers). Never mind the fact she lived with a boy (actually Levi was more of a man now…then again he had always looked like a man) far away from her father and sister (Dad was still in Omaha…Wren in Scoffsbluff with Jandro and their son, no one was surprised Wren got married five seconds after college ended). Never mind the fact she wrote epic Simon and Baz adventures where the boys got married (because in the World of Mages no cared whether you kissed boys or girls).

The sparkly little ring on her left hand meant childhood was over. After talking things through with her sister and Reagan (basically them telling her not to be such an idiot) Cath said yes and never regretted it.

Except on days like today when she had to deal with Marlisse and company. To say she wasn't exactly close to her mother-on-law would be an understatement. Marlisse was just always in the thick of things while Cath preferred to hang out on the fringe.

Cath tugged on the hem of her cardigan, smoothing it out with her palm. "Okay," she said before turning around to face him.

Levi cupped her face in his hands. "You know they don't bite," he teased her.

"The cows do," Cath pointed out.

"They don't bite," Levi insisted. "They chew."

"There's just so many of them," Cath replied.

"Cows?" he asked her.

Cath rolled her eyes (old habits die hard). "Yes, and their table manners are horrendous," she said.

"The faster we get over there the faster it will be over with," Levi pointed with a smile (when was he not smiling, really).

"Logic," Cath huffed, but then smiled herself.

Levi released his grip on her cheeks and slid her hand into his. They headed downstairs (stopping in the kitchen to grab the brownies they were contributing to the meal) and then out to Levi's truck.

The ranch wasn't far from their home (not that anything in Arnold was too far from anything else). It was an easy commute for Levi who worked there alongside his parents and uncles. He had recently started consulting for other ranches in the area too. Levi lit up when he told her about the ways he was helping other ranchers become better equipped to do their jobs. It was one (of many…Cath had a word document full) of his endearing qualities.

Levi parked the truck at the end of the drive and jumped out to help Cath down. Once she was on the ground she clutched the brownies in her hands as if they were a protective shield between her and the rest of the world. They made their way up the front porch and inside. The house was buzzing with warmth and activity (it sounded more like a herd of elephants than cows).

"Cath!" Sarah exclaimed the second she stepped into the kitchen. Out of all of Levi's siblings she got along the best with the youngest girl. She was in graduate school, studying Library Science, so the two always had something to talk about. "Can you read something I'm working on?"

"Sarah," Marlisse scolded her daughter. "Let the poor girl take her sweater off."

Sarah rolled her eyes (Cath wondered if she had picked up the habit from her or if it was something all girls instinctively knew how to do). "Sorry," she apologized. She took the brownies from her hands and set them down on the counter.

"It's so good to see you," Levi's mother said and walked over to give her son a hug.

"I just saw you yesterday," Levi said with a chuckle as he returned the embrace.

"That doesn't mean it's not good to see you," Marlisse insisted. "You too," she said to Cath and gave her a hug of her own.

"Hi," Cath replied and gently patted her back before stepping away.

"Go have a drink," she said to both of them. "Dinner will be set in about fifteen minutes." She shooed them out of the kitchen and into the family room (the zoo).

Levi's father, Abigail, Hannah, and Leah's husbands, as well as Sarah's boyfriend, were gathered around a basketball game on television while the aforementioned women were playing a game with the kids on the floor. Levi greeted his sisters and joined the guys by the television. Cath said hello and took a seat on the couch. The kids were all very cute, but Abigal, Hannah, and Leah were all moms and they spoke in some kind of code Cath couldn't begin to understand.

"Since your sweater is off," Sarah said, joining Cath on the couch. "Can I show you my paper?"

Cath laughed and nodded her head. "Of course," she said to her. "Is it for school?"

Sarah nodded her head yes as she tapped away on her phone. "Okay, I just emailed it to you."

Before Cath could ask when it was due Marlisse walked into the family room and clapped her hands together. "Before dinner is ready I want to have a little family meeting."

Hannah's husband (or maybe it was Leah's…they all looked alike) muted the television. Levi sat down next to Cath on the couch. Everyone looked curiously at the family matriarch.

"As you know we're not getting any younger around here…as much as we try and deny it," she said with a soft laugh. "The time has come to retire and sell the ranch."

A brief silence came over the room followed by a hundred voices talking at once.

Sell the ranch? To who? When? Couldn't they keep it in the family?

Marlisee held up her hand and everyone quieted down again. "This was not an easy decision. We talked it over. We prayed on it. And as much as it pains me it's just something that has to be done," she said.

Cath looked over at Levi, his usual carefree face was completely clouded over. Despite the work he was doing outside the homestead she knew his heart was truly with his family's land.

"Now wipe those looks of doom and gloom off your face," Marlisee said with a smile (she was the only person in the room smiling). "And let's eat!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"What do you think about moving?" Levi asked on Wednesday morning at breakfast.

"Pardon?" Cath asked, nearly spewing tomato juice all over the table.

"There's nothing keeping us here in Arnold when you think about it," Levi said, ignoring the red spittle dribbling down his wife's chin.

The ride back to their house after the announcement felt like it took five hours instead of five minutes. Cath wanted to say something, anything really, just to break the heavy silence in the car, but nothing sounded right. So instead she kept her lips pressed together and her fingers laced through Levi's. The quiet hadn't lasted much past parking the truck in the drive, but this was the first time Levi had mentioned the family ranch since Sunday.

"Well, no…not exactly," Cath replied, dabbing her chin with a napkin. "It just seems extreme."

"You can do your job from anywhere," Levi said, speaking rapidly. "And I can find work somewhere else. I've made a lot of connections with the consulting I've been doing."

"What about your family?" Cath asked him.

Levi huffed. "What about them?" he asked.

"You knew this would happen eventually," she said gently. "It was inevitable."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," Levi replied, though not sounding quite as annoyed anymore. He tugged on the cuff of her sleeve idly slid the fabric between his digits.

"Where would we go?" she asked him.

"We could go further west," Levi said. "I've been looking at property online too," he admitted. "Maybe we could start our own ranch."

"Do you really think we could do that?" Cath asked him, crinkling up her nose. She knew books. She knew Kanye lyrics. But despite being around Levi for almost a decade she still didn't know cows. "And I thought you were allergic to the internet."

Levi laughed softly. "Don't look so horrified. I'm not asking you to hose down the horses," he replied. "And I just don't use the internet a lot…I'm not inept."

Cath laughed herself (laughter was contagious). "Why don't we think it through a little more?" she suggested.

Levi groaned playfully. "With you that could take years," he said.

"Wasn't I worth the wait?" she teased him.

Levi tugged her closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I didn't even notice I was waiting," he said with a smile that reached his whole face.

xxx

Two weeks later (and four pro and con lists later for Cath…everything always made more sense when it was written down) the pair decided to go for it. Levi would tell his family they were leaving (Cath was glad he wanted to do that one on his own), they'd spend some time in Omaha with her dad, and then maybe visit Wren for a few days before heading out into the great unknown (well, not totally unknown as she insisted he secure a job and they find a place to live before any of this moved forward).

It was a plan. Not the most solid plan, but it made Cath feel like she had some control.

"Marlisse is going to have a stroke…or shit herself…or both," Reagan said into the phone after Cath revealed the news. "Can I watch?"

Cath rolled her eyes. "You're kind of disgusting," she said to her. Her finger glided back and forth across the mouse in the center of her laptop. She was supposed to be editing a manuscript for work, but she was cruising comments on her fan fiction account instead.

"No, people that day drink are disgusting," she said. Reagan worked at the local watering hole, which only increased her already present desire to get out of Arnold.

"Reagan…how do you know if you're pregnant?" Cath asked her, so casually you'd think she was asking about the weather.

"What kind of question is that?" Reagan replied, clearly alarmed. "And why do you think I'd know the answer?"

"You did have a lot of boyfriends in college," Cath joked (but not really because it was true).

"Shut up," Reagan said before adding, "Are you late?" in a much more gentle tone.

"Mmhmm," Cath replied, drawing out the sound as her finger slid across the mouse again.

"Mmhmm? That's all you have to say?" Reagan hissed into the receiver. "Did you take a test?"

"There's exactly one store in this town where I could buy said test," Cath pointed out.

"If you are…did you think you could just ignore it and it would go away?" Reagan asked her.

"Maybe," Cath replied.

"Jesus Christ, you're still an idiot," Reagan said. "I'll be over there in fifteen minutes."

Cath heard her mumble 'hopeless' before the call disconnected.

xxx

"Why don't you pee on it," Cath said when Reagan shoved a pregnancy test into her hands fifteen minutes later.

"I'm not the one who thinks I'm with child," Reagan said. "Isn't it enough I got the test for you?"

"What did Clara say?" Cath asked, referring the grandmotherly cashier at the general store.

"She did that tsk tsk thing that old ladies do so well," Reagan replied. "But she didn't seem surprised. Okay, so maybe there is a reason you asked me in the first place," she relented.

Cath looked down at the box. "How accurate is this?" she asked her.

"Jesus Christ, Cather…I'm not a statistician…just take the test!" Reagan said and pushed her towards the bathroom. She held the knob with her hand so Cath couldn't escape the confined space.

Cath methodically opened the box and removed its content. She pulled out the instructions and smoothed out the paper on the counter. Next she pulled out the actual test. Such a small stick…such a big impact.

Cath had suspected something might be 'up' a week or so ago, but as Reagan had so astutely noted before, she thought if she ignored it it would just go away or correct itself or something. Stress could make you late and with the idea and then the decision to move she had definitely been under pressure. But deep in her heart Cath knew it was more than that. (The queasiness she felt pretty much 24/7 was a big clue too.) She wouldn't call it mother's intuition, though, because what did she know about being a mother?

"I don't hear anything!" Reagan said and banged on the door.

"Ew, are you listening?" Cath asked, grabbing the test and holding it tight in her palm.

"Do not make me come in there like an episode of Intervention," Reagan warned.

Cath was half afraid she would come in there so she quickly wiggled her jeans and panties down before hovering over the toilet seat. Once she was done she set the test on the counter and opened the door.

Reagan nodded her head in approval and set the timer on her phone.

And they waited.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Cath was not equipped to handle this (and Reagan was sworn to secrecy and not allowed to help her handle this). There was a whole laundry list of reasons why this was not a good thing. She had gone through them over and over in her head since the test had come back with a bright blue line on it three days ago.

Someone brimming with anxiety over something as simple making eye contact was not mother of the year material.

Her family had a history (and present) of mental instability so basically the kid was bound to be crazy.

Laura.

Cath was never going to get over what her own mother did to her so how could she ever be a positive mother figure herself?

She didn't dare tell Levi the news. He'd be overjoyed. She couldn't take that right now. She wanted to call Wren. Wren had a kid…she could talk her off the ledge, but admitting it out loud meant it was real and Cath wasn't ready for it to be real yet.

So instead she stuffed her face with saltines and sipped ginger ale, as it was the only thing she could kind of keep down. (Google was full of useful information…why did Levi always want to fight it?) Levi knew she had her quirks, but even he was starting to suspect something was up.

"Is something going on at work?" Levi asked as Cath pushed her chicken around on her dinner plate.

"Other than the fact the book I'm editing reads like someone's first fanfic?" she replied. "No."

"Your father? Your sister? Your mother?" Levi ticked off. "My mother?"

"Can't I just not be hungry?" Cath snapped. A hurt look clouded Levi's face and she immediately felt bad for being so grouchy. "Sorry," she said quickly.

"Are you nervous about the move?" Levi tried again (he never gave up).

Cath opened her mouth to respond but the only thing that was going to come out of her mouth at the moment was vomit. She scrambled to her feet and ran to the bathroom, making it just in the nick of time.

She had no idea how anything (and so much of it) was coming up. It wasn't like she was keeping much down. Once she had finished she pressed her back against the side of the tub and closed her eyes.

"Can you walk to the truck or should I pick you up?" Levi asked, crossing the threshold into the bathroom. "Better just pick you up…you'll fight me otherwise."

Cath's eyes popped open when she felt him wrap his hands around her wrists and tug her to her feet. "Where are we going?" she asked, now scooped up in his arms.

"The hospital," Levi said simply. He grabbed his keys and her sweater off the hook before going outside and depositing her in the cab of the truck.

"You're being ridiculous," Cath insisted, her voice about five octaves higher than normal. She was in full panic mode now. He was going to find out. She didn't want him to find out for at least nine months (or ever).

"I'd rather be ridiculous than watch you wither away," Levi said as he started the engine. "You're pale, clammy, and you kind of smell."

"I just threw up!" Cath defended her smell.

"How long as this been going on?" Levi asked. "You've been pushing food around your plate every night this week at dinner."

"Maybe your cooking is lousy," Cath retorted. She put her hand over her mouth when they hit a bump in the road. "Bag, bag!" she yelped. Levi grabbed the plastic bag he used for trash off the console and handed it to her with the speed of a gazelle.

She rested her skull against the headrest and closed her eyes. She kept quiet for the rest of the trip (well, her mouth stayed quiet…one hundred different horrible scenarios of Levi finding out about the baby kept her mind active).

Levi helped Cath out of the truck and in through the ER doors. Luckily (or unluckily depending how you looked at it) the waiting room was on the empty side and the nurse was able to take her back within minutes of checking in. After taking all her vitals the blonde haired nurse starting asking her questions.

How long have you felt like this? Does it happen a certain time of day? What have you been eating? Are you eating? Do you have a history of stomach issues? Is it possible you could be pregnant?

"Yes," Cath meekly answered the last question, her eyes welling up with tears.

Levi's eyebrows shot up so far she thought they were going to be forever lost in his hair (which was a really long distance when you thought about the size of his forehead).

"Let's do a blood test to confirm the pregnancy," blondie said kindly. "But I think you have hyperemesis gravidarum. I'll be right back." She patted her arm and excused herself from the room.

"A baby…" Levi said slowly, like it was a mythical creature.

Cath was full on sobbing by this point. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said to him, her whole body quivering (which was just making her more nauseous). "I didn't know how to tell you."

"Didn't know how or didn't want to?" Levi asked her, not budging from his chair.

"Both," she said, her nose was dripping with gooey snot.

"Oh, sweetheart…don't cry," Levi said, suddenly snapping back to the reality of the situation (Cath looking like the crazy person she was). He got up and wrapped his arms around her. "This is a good thing."

Cath wanted to tell him the hundreds of reasons (the list had grown way beyond three) of why this was the opposite of a good thing, but the nurse walked back into the room.

"Can you roll up your sleeve, honey?" blondie asked her. She pulled out the instruments she needed for the blood draw.

Cath obeyed and focused on Levi's face as the nurse took pricked her skin. He was happy (he was back to smiling).

This is exactly what she was afraid would happen.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you for the kind words, favorites, and follows. Your feedback means a lot to me!_

Chapter Four

Cath stayed overnight in the hospital. She was severely dehydrated and the doctors pumped her full of fluids during the night. She made Levi go home. She didn't want to look at him.

But there was no avoiding Levi after that. He was everywhere. Did she need another pillow? Was the room warm enough? He heard ginger helped keep morning sickness at bay.

He was really too perfect sometimes.

"Why am I not surprised you have a list?" Levi asked when she told him having a baby was not a good idea.

"Because facts are facts. You can't disprove them," Cath said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Levi leaned (always leaning) against the dresser next to the closet and crossed his own arms. "Go ahead," he encouraged her, the corners of his mouth curling upward.

"I'm crazy," Cath said to him.

Levi rolled his eyes. "You're not crazy," he said.

"No fair interrupting," Cath replied. "And I am crazy. And look at my family…there's probably whole sections in psychology textbooks dedicated to our brand of crazy."

"Next reason," he prompted her, his smile growing bigger (and infuriating her more).

"I don't have a mother," Cath said.

"I didn't have a pig and I still like bacon," Levi replied.

Cath knitted her brows. "That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever said," she replied (and the corner of her mouth tugged up against her will). "How can I be a mother if I've never had an example?" she clarified.

"Wren's in the same boat as you and she seems to be doing fine," Levi said.

"No fair comparing me to her," Cath replied.

"Next reason," Levi asked, making a go on motion with his hand.

"I'm not good at creating things," Cath retorted, recalling something Professor Piper had once said (okay, not exactly like that…she was paraphrasing).

Levi's mouth was upward in a shit eating grin now. "Oh, no…I was there during the creation. You're plenty good at it," he said.

"You're impossible," Cath said, covering her face with her hand.

Levi come off the wall and settled next to Cath in bed, wrapping his arm securely around her shoulders. "Okay, I listened to your reasons. Can I tell you my reasons now?" he asked.

She moved her hand away from her face. "Fair is fair," she relented.

"One," he started. "We're both ridiculously good looking so the baby is going to be adorable."

"Dumb," Cath replied.

"Tough crowd," Levi said with a shake of his head. "We're a good team and that means we'll balance the kid out nicely."

"You're the nice one, I'm the mean one?" Cath asked.

"Stop putting words in my mouth," Levi said with a chuckle.

"I'm just interpreting what you're implying," Cath said.

"Cather," his said, his face turning serious. "I love you more than anything on this earth. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be in my life. I want to share everything with you, including a family. I know it's scary, but at one point you thought I was scary too, and I think that worked out pretty well. So please just try to see this for the blessing it is."

"You could have been a poet," Cath said after a beat of silence.

"Does that mean you'll try?" Levi asked her, a smile back on his face.

"I love you, Levi," Cath said (her way of agreeing).

"I love you too, sweetheart," he replied.

"Now move," Cath said and scooted towards the edge of the bed. "I'm gonna throw up again."

xxx

"Isn't that the thing Kate Middleton had?" Wren asked into the receiver.

"Yeah, I Googled it," Cath replied.

"Of course you did," Wren said with a laugh.

"Hyper" means excessive, "emesis" means vomiting, and "gravid" means pregnant," Cath recited.

"You're such a nerd," Wren said (Cath could almost see her shaking her head).

They were telling people now. Rather Levi was making her tell people. They told his parents first (who proceeded to tell everyone in the tri county area). There was even a special dinner in their honor (that had made Cath nauseous for different reasons). Marlisse had already started working on designing the nursery (still nauseous) and suddenly Levi's older sisters found they had lots in common with Cath. Cath's dad was excited, though quickly insisted that he was far too young to be called grandpa. Wren understood a lot of Cath's hang ups (she had had them herself) so it was nice to talk to someone who was being sane about the whole matter.

"Let's talk about something else," Cath said to her sister.

"How's work?" Wren asked.

"Nah, too grown up…try again," Cath said.

"You are a grown up," Wren pointed out.

"I know," Cath said with a pained sigh.

"Are you working on any fic?" Wren tried again.

"No. I miss you. I wished you lived closer," Cath said to her.

"I miss you too, but I'm kind of glad I'm missing this vommy thing," Wren said with a laugh.

"Don't be mean. It's awful," Cath pouted.

"I'm sure it is. I don't know why they call it morning sickness…it's like all hours of the day sickness," Wren said.

"How's Lou?" Cath asked, referring to Wren's son.

"Busy. Busy," Wren said. "He's into everything. I made him watch The Mage's Heir the other night."

Cath chuckled. "How did that go?" she asked.

"He fell asleep about ten minutes in," Wren said with a laugh.

"A non believer…just like his dad," Cath tsked.

"Yeah," Wren said, her tone slightly clipped. "Look, I better go. We'll talk again soon. Hang in there. Love you."

"Love you too," Cath echoed as the call ended. She set her cell phone on the nightstand and rolled over onto her side. She was too queasy to do any actual work. She thought about her chubby faced nephew watching Simon and Baz and chuckled to herself. She grabbed the remote and called up The Mage's Heir on demand.

Simon Snow. The cure for what ails you.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for all the feedback! Warning: This chapter is rated M for mature._

Chapter Five

Once the third month of pregnancy passed Cath started to feel better, physically that is…emotionally she was still a hot mess. She and Levi decided to stay in Arnold for now. It just made more sense to be near family with everything going on. The ranch had been on the market without any nibbles for the past month. Levi was still holding out hope a resolution could be reached and they wouldn't have to sell (Cath spent most of her time panicking that Levi was going to end up unemployed). When he wasn't doing that he was devouring information about pregnancy, childbirth, and child rearing like it was air. Cath knew she had been unpleasant to be around lately (even though in her defense she had been sick half the time) so when Levi came home from work one day and saw her reading What to Expect When You're Expecting he took it as the olive branch that it was.

"Okay, we'll talk soon. Take care," Levi said into the phone as Cath walked into the bedroom one night. "Sweetheart, you look beautiful," Levi said. He plucked his earbuds out of his ears and pulled the comforter back for her.

Cath snorted and pulled on the hem of the ratty old nightshirt she was wearing. Now that she was able to keep food down she had gained all the weight she should have. It wasn't a pretty sight. "You're a terrible liar," she said as she slipped under the covers.

Levi wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss against her shoulder. "No…you are beautiful," he said again. "Every part of you." He punctuated each word with a kiss.

Cath closed her eyes when his lips brushed against her neck. "You're distracting me," she murmured.

"And you're beautiful," he said, his hand trailing under the bottom of her nightshirt and along her side in one fluid motion (Levi was always so smooth).

"You said that already," she mumbled, sucking in a breath as his hand crept up higher on her body, heat spreading over her skin.

"I believe I said it three times, but it's still true no matter how many times I say it," Levi said, rubbing his chin against her jaw.

Cath's mind was clear (for once). The only thing she could focus on now was how good this felt. She tilted her head to the side and pressed her lips against his, nibbling gently, then she went to take a soft bite from her favorite spot under his chin.

Levi groaned softly (apparently he was at a loss for words too) as he rolled over on top of her, careful to distribute his weight so he wasn't crushing her stomach, (ew, could the baby see this? Levi probably knew) his hands roaming down to gather the edge of her shirt and slid it up and over her head.

Cath tugged on his t-shirt and Levi leaned up long enough to duck out of it. She scratched his perfectly perfect Levi chest lightly with her fingernails, dragging them across his bare skin slowly.

Levi purred and slipped his fingers in the waistband of her panties, dragging them down her legs and pulling them off at her feet. The pile of clothes on the ground was growing taller by the second.

Cath arched her back up, desperate to be closer to him. He smiled against her mouth, slipping a finger inside of her center. This elicited a growl from deep within her chest. While his digits were occupied below his other palm reached up to cup her breast.

"Levi…" she whimpered softly, her fingers fumbling with his boxer shorts. She yanked on the waistband (hey, she could be all hands too) and disrobed him quickly. "Need you," she whispered as their now naked bodies touched, his hardness obvious against her leg.

"Want you," he murmured. His head dipped down, allowing his lips to capture her hardened nipple, sucking gently.

Cath wrapped her hand around him and stroked him slowly while her other hand slipped through his silky hair. She rolled her hips in time with his fingers, feeling herself nearing the edge. "Need you now," she said with more urgency in her tone.

Levi slowly pulled his slim fingers from inside her and pressed their lips together. He slid his hands along her arms and gently laced their fingers together as he slipped inside of her.

Cath loved the moment when they connected. It was hard to tell where he ended and she started. It was more beautiful than anything she could ever hope to write.

"My girl," Levi murmured against her lips as they built up a slow and easy rhythm. Cath's body rose and fell with his like they were made for each other (she was pretty sure they were).

Though Cath wouldn't have minded living in this moment forever she cried out softly when she felt him pulsate inside of her. She quickly followed him over the edge of pure bliss.

Levi covered her face in soft kisses before slowly slipping out of her. Cath swallowed and rolled over onto her side, panting for breath.

"Have you thought about names?" he asked, pulling her back and cuddling her up against him. She rested her head on his chest.

"No," she replied. (Way to ruin the moment! Wasn't it enough that she was reading the book? She had to think of names too?)

"It'd probably be a good idea," he said with a chuckle.

"Or we could just call the baby 'baby'," she replied. "I had a friend who named her cat 'kitty'."

"How about Simon?" Levi joked.

Cath couldn't help but laugh. "That only works if it's a boy," she pointed out.

"Agatha then," he teased her.

"I couldn't in good conscious name a baby Agatha," Cath chuckled.

"What about colors for the nursery then?" he asked her.

"I don't know…" she said with a shrug.

"So what do you know?" Levi asked her.

"I know that after this baby we're never having another child again," Cath retorted.

Levi knitted his brows. "That seems like a rash decision," he said to her, drawing out the thought.

"I've been sick as a dog and I'm not even halfway through," she pointed out.

"It's not all bad," Levi insisted.

She rolled her eyes. "You only say that because it's not happening to you," Cath replied.

"I wish you didn't fight me on everything," Levi said with a sigh.

Cath rolled away from his chest and onto her back. "I don't want to talk about it," she said.

"You're not even trying," Levi said with a sigh.

"What good could come from having more kids?" she asked him. "The world is overpopulated."

It was his turn to roll his eyes. "You grew up with a sister…I grew up with siblings. Don't you want that for our kids?" he asked.

"It's hard enough to picture one kid let alone like fourteen," Cath said sarcastically. "Good night, Levi," she said. She tugged her nightshirt back on and turned off the lamp.

"Sweetheart, we have to start thinking about this stuff. He or she is going to be here before we know it," Levi said.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Before you know it came just as fast as Levi promised. Cath was now up to two doctor's appointments a month. She had seen the baby on the ultrasound (Levi carried the picture around in his wallet), heard the baby's heartbeat, decided against finding out if was a boy or a girl, pretended not to notice that Levi was working on the nursery, ate enough for two with ease…

And signed up for a pregnancy and baby care class (rather Levi had signed them up).

"Clearly these people don't know what they're doing," Cath said as Levi helped her ease down onto the mat on the floor.

"How do you figure?" Levi asked her.

"They're making pregnant ladies sit on the ground. I'm going to have to stay here for the next three months…I won't have a choice," Cath said solemnly.

"Eh, this room is pretty nice," Levi said with a shrug as he looked around the room. "And there's snacks in the back…I could get used to living here."

"Why is everything a joke?" Cath groaned.

Levi settled behind her and kissed the back of her head. "Just relax," he said to her.

"I'm carrying around something the size of a pumpkin in my stomach…you relax," she told him.

"Actually the baby is the size of cantaloupe right now," Levi replied.

Cath rolled her eyes. "Shut up," she instructed him.

"Everyone, everyone…let's get started!" a perky redhead (who looked like she had never been pregnant a day in her life, judging by her abs) chirped. "My name is Amber. I'm so super psyched you're all here today. We have a lot to cover so let's get this show on the road!"

Cath looked around at the four other couples in the room. Everyone seemed to be hanging on Amber's every word. She shook her head and tried to focus on the ginger cheerleader.

"The first thing we're going to do is work on breathing techniques," Amber said. "My assistant is going to be handing out focus objects. When it comes time for delivery you should have your own object…something special to you, but today we're going to work with teddy bears. You can even take them home!"

Amber's doppelganger handed Cath a fluffy brown bear with a big stupid smile on its face. She handed the doll back to Levi and closed her eyes, trying to focus on being anywhere but here.

"Now…let's start with a big deep breath," Amber said, inhaling heavily. "And then shorter ones…hee hee hee hoooo. You all try!"

Suddenly the room sounded like the opening scene to a porno with all the breathing and panting.

"Cather…" Levi encouraged her.

"Seriously?" she asked, looking back at him.

"It might work…you won't know unless you try," he said. He held the teddy bear in front of her face.

Cath looked at the little guy and took a deep breath. She tried the shorter ones, but felt too stupid so she stopped. Luckily Amber was too busy applauding a couple in the corner to notice her lack of hees and hoooos.

After the heavy panting session they moved onto feeding. Each couple was handed a life like baby doll. Of course Levi feed and burped the baby perfectly. He even laughed when the doll spit up on his shoulder. Amber was now paying WAY more attention to the pair (well, Levi in particularly).

"Oh, that's just perfect!" Amber cooed when Levi changed the doll's diaper with ease. "Why don't you try?" she suggested to Cath.

Cath swallowed and grabbed a diaper from the pile. She fumbled with the plastic strips (she really was all hands sometimes).

"No, no…not like that," Amber scolded her. "And make sure you keep a hand on the baby's belly. You don't want him rolling off the table."

Cath blinked back the hot tears that were collecting in her eyes. She attempted again, but the results were dismal.

"Let me show you again," Amber said, like it was a big hassle. She plucked the diaper from Cath's hands and covered the doll in record time.

"Thanks, Amber," Levi said, clearly able to tell Cath was in no mood to talk to their instructor.

Cath let out a frustrated groan when Amber walked away. "Great," she said through a sniffle. "I'm going to kill the baby."

Levi rubbed her arm. "We can practice at home," he said to her.

"Mmm…something else to look forward to," she said with a sigh.

xxx

The day (the dreaded day) of Cath's baby shower had finally arrived. (Apparently not looking at the calendar still made time move.) A look of utter bewilderment covered her face as she looked around the room. It looked like someone had robbed Babies R Us and was storing all the loot in Marlisse's living room. How could one little baby need so much stuff?

The only people she recognized were Wren, her grandmother, Levi's sisters, and Reagan. The rest were a sea of Marlisse's friends, Levi's sisters' friends, and relatives of Levi's she didn't even know existed.

"Honey, you're here!" Marlisse exclaimed when Cath, Grandma Avery, and Wren walked into the living room. She gave her a hug, which was no longer easy as Cath's bump was the size of a squash (according to Mr. Mom). "Everyone! The woman of the hour is here!"

If at that moment the floor had opened up Cath would have gladly down went down the rabbit hole and let it swallow her whole. "Hi," she said softly. "Thank you for putting all of this together." (Yeah, that was a lie, but Cath had to at least appear polite).

"My only son's first child…how could I not go a little overboard?" Marlisse said with a chuckle. "Come on…I'll introduce you around." She wrapped her arm around Cath's shoulder and guided her deeper into the house. Cath shot a look at her sister who just shrugged (and did a shitty job of hiding the smirk on her face…traitor).

After having her belly rubbed and being hugged and kissed by every woman Marlisse had ever known Cath was finally able to sit down on the couch. Sarah gave her a plate of food.

"What is this?" Cath whispered as she spied the tiny sandwiches that littered her plate.

"Tea sandwiches," Sarah explained. "Did you even look at the invitation to your own shower?"

"Not exactly," Cath admitted. She pinched the sandwich between her fingers and took a bite (squishy).

"It's an afternoon tea baby shower," Sarah said with a laugh.

"But I'm pregnant…I could literally eat a whole cow right now," Cath said with a laugh of her own as she downed another sandwich.

"There's plenty outside," Sarah pointed out. She handed Cath a cup of tea.

"Thanks," she said and took a sip.

Apparently relaxing was not on the agenda as Abigail took center stage in the room. She clapped her hands together. "Let's start our first game," she announced. "Hannah is passing out paper and pencil to everyone. Number your paper one through twenty and when I call out the celebrity parents you write down the name of the baby."

Games? There were going to be games?!

Celebrity baby trivia was only the tip of the iceberg. That was followed by all of Levi's sisters sharing labor war stories, Pregnancy Twister (all the guests sported faux bellies) and The Diaper Game (the guests had guess what candy bar was mushed up in a diaper). Though awkward and disgusting Cath could handle those games, but when it came time for Tie it with a Bow she thought she was going to lose it.

As the guests arrived (unbeknownst to the mommy to be) they cut a ribbon the length they thought to be the measurement of Cath's belly. Then after presents they each took a turn wrapping their piece of ribbon around her bump. The person who was the closest won a prize.

"Are you sure you're not having twins?" one of Marlisse's friends teased as she slipped her ribbon around Cath's midsection.

Cath bit hard on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from replying…or crying.

"Oh, Ruth…you're terrible!" another friend cackled.

Cath tried very hard to be a good sport and managed not to lock herself in the guest bathroom until the game was complete and cake was being served.

"Hey, let me in," Reagan said, softly knocking on the door.

Cath pushed the door open. "I didn't know you knew how to knock that softly," she commented between hiccups.

Reagan slid onto the ground next to her. "Ruth had twins like fifty years ago and still looks like she's pregnant with them," she joked.

"Why would they do that? They know I hate being the center of attention," Cath said, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"Because as much as this shower is supposed to be about you…it's actually not," Reagan replied.

"I feel ridiculous…" Cath said. "And hungry."

"Yeah, whose dumbass idea was it to feed tiny sandwiches to a pregnant lady?" Reagan scoffed.

Cath laughed and took a breath. "How icky do I look?" she asked.

Reagan tilted her head to the side as she scrutinized her face. "Not good. You wash up. I'll go stall," she said. She hopped to her feet and took her hand, pulling Cath up to her feet.

By the time Cath looked human again and rejoined everyone in the living room the party was breaking up. Levi had arrived and was loading up the truck with all the gifts the baby had received. He gave Cath a smile and she weakly returned it. He had his cell tucked under his ear. Who was he talking to now? Lately it was like the phone was permanently attached to his head. Everyone said their good byes and it was finally time to go home.

"Get this woman a burger," her sister said after they piled into the truck. Wren was going to be staying the rest of the weekend at their place.

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you guys eat there?" he asked the girls.

"Burger," Cath said firmly.

"Yes, ma'am," Levi said with a chuckle. He stopped by the local diner and got dinner for all three of them.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

After Cath was sufficiently stuffed she and Wren huddled up together on the couch while Levi sorted through the gifts in the nursery.

"She sounds like a total bitch," Wren said after Cath finished telling her about Amber.

"She made me feel like an idiot," she said with a sigh.

"She probably doesn't have any kids of her own. The reason she's so good at everything is because she's only diapered and fed inanimate objects," Wren reasoned.

"Did you feel like…connected to Lou while you were pregnant with him?" Cath asked her sister, shifting the topic suddenly.

"What do you mean?" Wren asked.

"Do you feel like you bonded with him?" Cath clarified.

"Oh," Wren said. She paused for a moment before answering. "Yeah, I did. I felt like I already knew him when I held him the first time."

"Oh," Cath said, her face falling a little. (Of course Wren had bonded with the baby…what wasn't she better at than Cath?)

"That doesn't mean anything," Wren said quickly. "Kristen Bell said she didn't bond with her baby until she held her."

"What if that doesn't happen?" Cath asked softly. "What if I hold the baby and just want to like give it back?"

"Cath, that won't happen," Wren insisted firmly.

"It might," Cath countered.

"Then don't let it happen," Wren said to her.

Cath rolled her eyes and leaned back against the couch. "You know it's not as simple as that," she said to her.

"Have you talked to anyone about this?" Wren asked her.

"Levi's so over the moon I can't say anything," Cath said. "And besides he's already upset with me."

Wren narrowed her eyes. "I can't imagine him being upset with you," she said.

"I told him I didn't want any more kids after this," Cath said.

"And that didn't go well?" she guessed.

"I think it was that in addition to how un into this whole pregnancy I've been," Cath said with a sigh.

"Well, you haven't really had it easy," Wren said. "And 99% of this is just hormones."

"Plus he's always on the phone lately," Cath commented. "He's probably talking to lawyer about the easiest way to get a divorce or…" she trailed off.

"So…he's not allowed to be on the phone?" she asked her sister. "Wait…do you think he's seeing someone?"

"No (yes…no, not really)," Cath replied.

Wren rolled her eyes. "You're acting crazy," she said to her.

Cath felt like Wren wasn't hearing her concerns. "Are you and Jandro going to have more kids?" she asked her.

This time it was Wren's face that fell. "I don't think so," she said. "Honestly…I don't know if we'll be married much longer."

Cath sat up straighter. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"We haven't been happy for a while," Wren admitted to her. "Things are a lot different after you have a kid."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Cath asked her. (How had she not known…Wren was her twin for god sake.)

"Because I didn't want to scare you off from marrying Levi and having kids," Wren explained to her. "And Jandro and I aren't like you and Levi. You guys are…magic."

xxx

The night after Wren went home Cath lay wide awake in bed, tossing and turning. There was no way she and Levi were going to be okay after the baby came. She felt like they were on the edge now. She crawled out of bed and as quietly as she could and slipped on jeans and a t-shirt. She left a note on the table for Levi and grabbed her keys and headed out to her car.

Who says you can't go home again?

xxx

Cath spent the night in her childhood bed and slept better than she had in months. Everything at home was just comfortable. When she got up the next morning she found her father sitting at the foot of the bed.

"Good morning," he said cautiously, like she might bite.

"Hi, dad," Cath replied.

"Doing some night driving?" he asked her curiously.

"I just needed…" Cath trailed off.

"Levi already called," he said.

Cath leaned over and grabbed her phone. There were twenty missed calls and a mess of texts and voicemails. She sighed as she set the phone down and leaned back in the bed.

"Did something happen? Did you have a fight?" he asked.

"Do you want eggs? I'm hungry," Cath said instead.

"Cather," her father said with a sigh.

"I'm not made for all this," Cath said to him.

"All what? Life?" he asked her.

"A grown up life," Cath clarified.

Her father leaned back on his elbows and looked over at her. "This reminds me of a conversation we've had before," he said to her. "And do you remember what I said to you then?"

Cath knew he was referring to the talk they had before the spring semester of her freshmen year. "That I can't avoid life," she said to him.

"Honey, you've accomplished so many things and I'm so proud of you," he said gently. "I'd hate to see you backtrack now."

"It's not like I really can," she said. She rested her hand on her bump.

"What's scaring you?" he asked her.

"The baby just feels like an occupant. I don't have any feelings for it," Cath said.

"I didn't have feelings for you until I held you," her dad said.

"You didn't carry me around for nine months," she pointed out.

"So you're a late bloomer. That doesn't mean you won't get there," he said. "I bet you'll feel differently after the baby is here."

"What if things go sour with me and Levi?" she asked him. "Wren and Jandro are having problems."

"That's your sister and her husband. You have to focus on you," he said to her. "I think you need to talk to Levi."

"How are you always right?" Cath asked him.

Her dad laughed and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Okay, how about those eggs now?"


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you for all the support. Enjoy!_

Chapter Eight

Cath was too big of a coward to call Levi so she sent him a text after breakfast. He replied back that he was halfway to Omaha.

She settled back in her bed and opened up her dad's laptop. One of the books had said reading to the baby was a good idea. She logged onto her account (it didn't say _what_ you had to read the baby) and selected a story. She cleared her throat and began to read.

Once she had finished the first story she picked another one and then another. She was so caught up in reading that she didn't hear Levi come in her room.

"If that kid isn't born a believer I will fall right over," he said, a smile on his face.

Cath rubbed her eyes and slipped her glasses back on. "I didn't hear you come in…what time is it?" she asked him.

"It's after twelve," he said. He sat next to her on the bed and kissed her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Stupid," she said with a sigh. She rested her head against his shoulder.

"You're not stupid," Levi replied, his arm curved around her shoulders. "But I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

"What if I can't do this? What if we fall apart?" she asked softly.

"Sweetheart," Levi said gently. "You've thrown up on me…multiple times…nothing can break us apart."

"Wren and Jandro might get divorced. She said everything changed after they had Lou," she mumbled against his shirt.

"You and your sister may look alike, but you aren't her," he said to her.

"I know," Cath said.

"I love you," Levi said. He pressed his forehead against hers and nuzzled their noses together.

"I love you too," Cath said, nuzzling back.

"And you trust me, right?" Levi asked her.

"Umm, well…" she felt kind of silly even saying anything.

He quirked up an eyebrow. "What?" he asked her.

"You've been making a lot of weird calls," she admitted sheepishly.

"I didn't tell you…while we were in the midst of…everything," Levi said. "But I've been talking with my cousins, trying to hammer things out. Four of us are going to try and keep the ranch going."

"That's what all those phone calls were?" Cath asked him.

"What exactly did you think I was doing?" he asked with a laugh.

"You were just so secretive," she admitted. "I felt stupid saying anything."

"Please, I'd never cheat. You…are all I can handle," Levi said, his smile spread across his whole face. "Now…what exactly were you doing when I walked in here?" he asked her.

Cath chuckled a little. "I read that the baby likes it when people talk to him…her," she said.

"So you thought gay fan fiction was a good conversation starter?" he asked with a laugh.

"You like it when I read you gay fan fiction," Cath defended herself.

"You could read me the phone book, sweetheart," he replied. "As long as you're with me I'm happy."

xxx

"What do you think of this one?" Marlisse asked as held up yet another onesie.

"It's cute," Cath replied politely.

"These will be become your best friends," she said, adding it to the ever growing pile of things in the shopping cart.

Marlisse insisted on taking Cath out on a Me Day. She told her once the baby arrived 'me time' was harder to come by then snow in June (yes, she had actually phrased it like that). So the two women went for haircuts, manicures, pedicures, and had lunch (which actually did make her feel more human). And somehow they had ended up in a baby store (most things ended up being about the baby lately…Cath was okay with that now).

"Thank you again for everything," Cath said.

"I'm happy to do it, honey," Marlisse said. She gave Cath's shoulder an affectionate squeeze. "It kind of makes up for the shower."

"Oh, the shower was nice," Cath assured her (lies).

"Honey, you ended up crying in the bathroom and ran away the next day," Marlisse pointed out.

Cath swallowed. "Okay, well…today has certainly been better than that," she said with a little chuckle.

"I know we haven't exactly been close, but now that I'll have more time…and with the baby coming…I'd like to be," she said, almost shyly.

Cath couldn't believe this. Hard ass Marlisse was looking for her approval. "I'd like it too," she said sincerely.

"Wonderful," Marlisse said with a smile. "Now I'm really not sure about the swing you guys have. I want to show you another one." She headed off down the aisle.

Okay, maybe things wouldn't change THAT much.

xxx

"I'm so uncomfortable," Cath moaned as the truck hit another bump in the road.

"We're almost home," Levi assured her.

The pair gone on a day trip to shop for all the odds and ends they still needed. (Why did babies need SO much stuff?) She was nervous about the impending arrival of the baby, but more excited nervous now than wanting to hide and cry nervous.

Cath winced and rested her hand on her stomach. "Ow," she said.

"What? What's wrong?" Levi asked. He was on red alert as Cath's due date was just a few days away.

"It's okay now," Cath said before crying out again.

"How long have you felt like this?" Levi asked, starting to slow the car down.

"Since last night?" Cath asked, her teeth gritted now.

"Last night?!" Levi roared. "Jesus Christ, Cather…why didn't you say anything?" He parked the truck on the side of the road.

"My due date isn't for three days," she pointed out.

"It's not like the release date of a book…babies don't have to come on the day the doctor says," Levi said to her. He started pressing his hands against her stomach.

"What are you doing?" Cath asked him.

"I don't know!" he said. "I feel like I need to be doing something!"

"I don't think that's it," Cath groaned and pushed his hands away. She rolled over on her side and pressed her face against the window.

"I need to look," Levi said to her.

"Look at what?" Cath asked.

"Sweetheart, what do you think I need to look at?" Levi said. He tried to pull her away from the window.

"No!" she said, quite alarmed. "You can't look down there!"

"Cather, I've delivered cows before…it's not like I don't know what's coming," Levi reasoned with her.

"Did you just call me a cow? Oh my goooooood…" she cried out, her eyes closed so tightly she was surprised they didn't explode.

"Cath, listen to me…" Levi said slowly. "You have to let me help you."

Cath swallowed and slowly unfurled herself. Levi sighed. "There's not enough room here. You have to get in the back."

"Of the truck?" she asked, her eyes wide open now.

"Come on, sweetheart," he said and managed to get her out of her seat and into the back of the truck (which was really NOT easy).

"What do you see?" she asked (and prayed no one was passing by).

"A head," Levi said, a little less calmly than he had been speaking before.

"What are we going to do?!" Cath exclaimed. "You can't let anything happen to the baby! I'm already going to be a terrible mother." She was getting a little delirious from the pain.

"The first thing you have to do is breathe," Levi said, resting his hands on her knees. "Because if you pass out then I'm going to pass out and we can't do that."

Cath swallowed and nodded her head. "Okay, okay…" she said.

Levi ducked back down. "Cath, when I tell you to push…push as hard as you can," he instructed her.

"I can't," Cath whined.

"Yes, you can!" Levi said.

"No, really…that teddy bear…I need it!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Levi asked in confusion.

"That thing Amber gave us. And I'm supposed to hee and hoo and," she explained before letting out a primal scream.

" Cather, just…focus on pushing. Okay, one, two, three…" he counted. "NOW!"

Cath gripped the sides of the truck and pushed as hard as she could. She collapsed a few seconds later.

"Great, great…that's so good. Now again…" Levi said to her.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Cath roared as she pushed with all her might. This continued for what felt like three hundred years until Cath's cries (and maybe a few from Levi) were accompanied a high pitched newborn wail.

"She's here!" Levi exclaimed. "She's a she! She's loud!"

Cath tried to sit up. "Let me see! Let me see!" She ended up falling back in a heap…she didn't have much energy left.

"Oh, sweetheart…she's beautiful," he said in total awe. He quickly cut the umbilical cord with his pocket knife and rested her on Cath's chest while he looked for something to wrap her in.

Cath blinked a few times as she stared at the little pink bundle of girl. "Let's have fourteen of these," she whispered to Levi. He chuckled and kissed her forehead as he wrapped up the baby in a towel he found. Cath felt her heart swell up with more love than she thought she could ever possess.

Connection achieved.

xxx

After a checkup for both mom and daughter at the hospital, Penelope (Penny for short) was able to come home.

"I can't believe you named her after a Simon Snow character," Wren said into the phone.

"Simon and Baz bonded us…and besides there's no decent female characters in The Outsiders," Cath said with a chuckle.

"How are you feeling?" Wren said, the question meant to dig beyond the physical surface.

"Happy," Cath said honestly.

"Hang on, dad wants to talk to you," Wren said.

"Wait…why are you with dad?" Cath asked her.

"Jandro and I are trying a trial separation," she admitted to her sister. "Lou and I are going to stay with dad for a while."

"I'm so sorry, Wren," Cath said to her.

"If it's meant to be it will work out. I just need to focus on Lou and myself right now," Wren said.

She passed the phone to their father and they talked for a while (and planned a visit very soon). After they hung up Cath walked over to Penny's bassinet and scooped her up (you aren't supposed to wake a sleeping baby, but Cath couldn't keep her hands off the little babydoll). Luckily Penny never got too fussed and snuggled up against her mother's chest and fell right back to sleep.

"There are my girls," Levi said as he walked back into the bedroom.

Cath looked up from her daughter's face and smiled over at Levi. "Hey you," she said softly.

"That was my mom on the phone," he said, waving his cell in his hand. "The ranch is staying in the family."

"Oh, Levi…this is great news. I know it's what you wanted," Cath said.

"Everything is falling right into place," he replied. He walked further into the room and wrapped his arms around his wife and baby.

Cath couldn't believe she had almost thrown this all away. Thank goodness Levi hadn't given up on her.

And Cath did know one thing now…these were the two people in the world she was never going to give up on.

THE END


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